Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Enough.

I got it. Really. I got it, that there's no love for me. Just fakers, liar, bitches and... the scum of the earth. I don't need I love you anymore as long as there are just fakers, liar, bitches and the scum of the earth provided for me. No thanks - really, I am almost happy as a single. Why should I want this whole relationship-shit? Could you answer it for me?

It starts with the fact, that the way to love and being re-loved is... that time that steep, rocky and full of obstacles that I don't know, if it's worth starting the journey. Especially because I think, that the top of the mountain is then... pushing me all the way down this steep, rocky mountain and will say "uhmm... sorry, I changed my mind, you're not welcome - as I said, I'm sorry!" Oh well - that remembers me on something... hmmm... AH! My last fail-relationship. Where I fought and fought and the end was, that I've been shot for NOTHING.
Uhm... sorry. But... without me. I'm not fighting anymore for NOTHING.

Second is, that there are that much competitors that time. I got no problem with that - but I'm madly... deeply... horribly... jealous. When they get attention and me not. And that makes me angry, because when I'm jealous and could not tell it the person I get cold and do asshole-things which I regret after a short while. And stuff like that is hurting the chosen One and pulling me far far FAR away from her. So you see... it's a vicious circle. And a reason why I should just... let things, like they are.

Third is, that... *thinking a loooong looong time how to describe it best* I'm afraid to destroy. Destroy me... destroy the connection with others... destroy the connection with the chosen One. Because I know me. Because I know, that I'm not easy... but loveable. Because I know, that just strong persons can get along with my personality. Because I know, that the chemistry really HAVE to fit. Not just a bit but VERY. And I don't know if the chosen One has got... the ability to handle EVERYTHING. But - to take up on my 4 years of experience - nobody was like that till yet. Why now?

Sorry... but... when I should believe, when I should fight, then... I need time to watch first. Even if it seems all that perfect at first glance. I'm mistrustful.


And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her sky

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is
The colder water
The blower's daughter
The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind...
My mind...my mind...
'Til I find somebody new

2 comments:

  1. Oh, I think I understand u..
    My character is nearly like yours. Sometimes I'm easily pissed & then I'm silly and a little asshole..
    Oh, life is complicated!
    But I don't understand, y u made such bad experiences in the last years. I think u are as lovable as everyone else, also u are sometimes an asshole.
    So what?
    I'm sure, u will find the right person.
    The one person.
    The 'somebody' (which loves u from the bottom of one's heart)
    'cuz with ur unperfect character, u are perfect for some persons - I'm sure!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ach Rei... <3
    Du hast ja noch mich. uû

    ReplyDelete